Kaunas. It's cracking

Kaunas, Lithuania’s second-largest city, is as mad as a bucket of beavers, as quirky as … erm, a very quirky thing and a great place to visit if you want a good dose of wacky offered with modern comforts.

Gentlemen will be flocking in like loins to the slaughter to get among the local pretties. Kaunas is known for a certain confidence and style that expresses itself in the form of lavish boots, long fingernails with little murals on them, almost anorexia and either jet black or bottle blonde hair. And it has the longest pedestrian mall in these parts, which is effectively an enormous catwalk. It’s certainly a top town for people watching, for either gender.

It’s also nice for just sitting around in outdoor cafés enjoying the local beer, which is excellent. (Beer goggles are one of the main attractions of Lithuania, because they are very cheap and totally unnecessary.)

But Kaunas is also just a little bit bonkers, which is why we like it. It mixes crumbly bits with charisma, sassy with strange, old with new and convenience with crackpot unpredictability.
The new Kaunas In Your Pocket is currently at the printers, and will be available very soon. If you’re putting Kaunas on your cities to visit list, why not order a copy from our click-and-buy pages?

Willie waving in Vilnius

The Austrian Rugby Team lost a game against Lithuania on the weekend (0:48) and celebrated by exposing their humour to Vilnius. See the video at the bottom of this page.

Lithuanian road rage

I want to blab on a bit about driving in Lithuania but much of what I say here will be equally applicable to other former-Soviet countries.

For a long time, we’ve been including a box about driving in Lithuania in Vilnius In Your Pocket. Here’s the opening paragraph:

Lithuanian drivers are bloody-minded and completely bonkers, making any journey in a car a bit of an edge-of-the-seat adventure. They are especially fond of tailgating, cutting lanes and dangerous overtaking manoeuvres. Indeed, Lithuanian drivers are now, officially, the worst drivers in Europe. The country has the highest rate of fatalities in the European Union.

That attracted the ire of one Lithuanian reader who had picked up a copy of Vilnius In Your Pocket while returning home on a flyLAL flight. (Vilnius In Your Pocket is available to passengers flying on flyLAL flights until April 15.) She wrote a huffy letter to one of the local rags – 15min – who then contacted us for comment. The story of how we had labelled Lithuanian drivers as blood thirsty monsters ended up on the front page, with a hint of pink-eared outrage that we had dared to print the facts and had done so with – shock! horror! – humour.

The article also appeared online (you can see it here) where comments could be added by readers. Out of some 215 comments, 84% were positive, supporting our article and praising us for having dared to write the truth. We call that a result, and our comments on Lithuanian driving will remain. So there!

That would be enough of a story, but events over the Easter weekend added a very sad twist of irony to the story. The son of Lithuania’s Transport Minister was killed in a road accident on the weekend. He was a passenger in a car being driven by his girlfriend. She lost control, and the car spun and slammed into an oncoming trolleybus.

Reports suggest that she was driving very fast. The driver of another car that they passed, who was travelling at around 60kp/h, claims that they passed so fast he could hardly see them. It has also been suggested that the Transport Minister’s son, who was reportedly a safe and careful driver, may have been drinking and therefore asked his girlfriend to drive. That would have been a very wise thing to do were it not for the fact that his girlfriend was to drive him to his death.

The Easter weekend newspapers were also filled with a litany of other reports of other similar accidents from around Lithuania. It makes for deeply depressing reading.

So, while we feel vindicated of the accusation that we are being unnecessarily negative for labelling Lithuanian drivers as dangerous, we are deeply saddened by the seemingly ceaseless carnage on Lithuania’s roads. We also offer sincere condolences to the families of all those who are killed, and continued support for the Transport Minister in his ‘war on the roads’ campaign.

Lithuanian PM lights up, coughs up fine

Lithuania's Prime Minister, Gediminas Kirkilas, forgot to not smoke in a bar in the port town of Klaipėda, and earned the bar a 1,000LT (€290) fine. He claims that he "simply forgot" that smoking was banned in bars, restaurants, cafes, etc Lithuania. He has offered to pay the fine on behalf of the bar. (In Lithuania, venue owners, not patrons, are fined for breaches of the smoking ban.)

We hope he doesn't wake up one day and forgot to run the country.

Lithuanian beavers breach Belarusian border

Officials in Belarus have fingered Lithuanian beavers for breaching the EU border between Lithuania and Belarus. The beavers are accused of engineering a dam across a river that forms part of the border. Apparently, some Belarusian beavers may have been involved, but according to Belarusian officials, the Lithuanian beavers are the masterminds of the whole dam operation. The dam will be destroyed to maintain border integrity and the beavers will be relocated.

Details: Interfax.

Beaver
Originally uploaded by Tancread.

From the Baltic to the Atlantic... With no passport

Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Poland, Czech Republic, Hungary, Slovenia, Malta and Cyprus all become members of the Schengen Protocol at mignight tonight. Border controls will disappear, meaning that a traveller could make his or her way (by land - airport controls remain in place until March 31, 2008) from Estonia to Portugal without showing a passport.

The duty-free free airport

Travellers fleeing Lithuania are advised to stock-up on cheap alcohol, cigarettes, chocolates and amber bling before going to the airport. Vilnius airport recently openeed a new terminal, and passengers are being exported through it... but there are no air-side shops. Yet. This means you can't get cheap smokes or carry-on alcohol. It's important to some.

Lithuanians: Tough. Nuts.

A Lithuanian farmer, on holidays in Germany, got left behind at a road-side stop by his 'friends'. So he walked home. In nine days he covered 200km. Eating apples and drinking from puddles. He didn't ask for help because he only speaks Lithuanian. He finally got a lift home with a truck driver from the German-Polish border. Here's the story.

Kaliningrad... Gone...

Oh dear. It appears we have caused something of an international incident...

We've lost Kaliningrad.

According to the Russian media, which has been bombarding us with phone calls this past week, those cheeky Lithuanians (that would be us) have finally gone and done what they always wanted to: wiped Kaliningrad off the map. That being our, In Your Pocket map as it appears in our print guides (download the latest Vilnius issue here to take a look).

Indeed, it does appear that our graphics team was a little over zealous in the 'delete bits of Russia' department, but given that several hundred islands off the coast of Croatia are also missing, as are some bits of the UK, not to mention a couple of German islands and a large portion of Albania we do not have room for... we think our Russian neighbours are over reacting.

Now, if we had shown Kaliningrad as part of Lithuania... that would have been a story.

Maybe we will do that in the next issue. Or maybe we will just put Kaliningrad back.

Until then you can be certain that we will be avoiding sushi.

Baboon has relationship with chicken

According to a Reuters report, a baboon in Lithuania has struck-up a loving relationship with a chicken. I don't think we need to add anything to the original report, so just follow the link.

Palin's New Europe - Starts Sunday

Michael Palin's newest travelling tv-series, Michael Palin's New Europe, hits the small screen in the UK this coming Sunday night (September 16, 21:00, BBC1). This series covers many of the countries that In Your Pocket have been writing about for quite some time, such as Poland, Lithuania, Latvia and Estonia and more.

I reckon Palin has a way of getting in touch with the spirit and pulse of a place that is humble yet real, and I look forward to seeing the series. Of course, I live in Lithuania, which means I won't be able to see it on the telly and will have to wait until the series is released on DVD and sold for a small fortune (rathan than downloading it for free from the internet the day after it is broadcast).

Meanwhile, travel agents and various self-declared experts are predicting that the 'Palin Effect' could impact Eastern Europe in the same way that it has affected regions covered by his previous programmes: more tourism.

An interesting interview-write-up-sales-piece is available on the BBC Press Office website.

Lithuania bans the sale of alcohol

It will be illegal to sell alcohol in Lithuania on September 1 this year. The ban will affect all cafes, hotels, restaurants, bars, clubs, shops and supermarkets. Minibars in hotels will be locked, or will have alcohol removed.

September 1 is traditionally a big day for drinking. We don't totally understand why but it has a lot to do with the start of the academic year. Both students and their parents in Lithuania seem to like to celebrate the start of the school year in the same way that everyone else celebrates the end of it. (Actually, they also seem to like to celebrate the opening of envelopes, but... well... let's just not go there. Maybe I'll write something about that on another occassion.)

As September 1 will be a Saturday this year (and someone might open an envelope somewhere), Lithuania's Parliament, possibly anticipating a double-whammy drinking problem, thought it would be a fine idea to simply ban the sale of alcohol on that day.

Local newspapers are carrying stories suggesting that owners of bars and restaurants will come up with creative ways to circumvent the ban. (Offering alcohol but not billing for it until after midnight, giving alcohol away 'free' but compensating on the food bill, selling wine in tea cups, etc.) It will certainly be interesting to see what happens.

We expect this law will have a negative effect on travellers. People who come to Lithaunia for the weekend, ranging from those who like to have a nice glass of wine with their meal to those who like celebrating in a more enthusiastic way, will probably leave with a poor impression of Lithuania.

If Lithuanian politicians wish to tackle problems associated with drinking, it may be better for them to address the root causes of the societal problems, boredom, hopelessness, poverty and frustration that lead to drinking. In other words: they should sack themselves.

Photo, showing drinking and smoking in Vilnius, both of which will be officially naughty on September 1, courtesy of Sco.

Lithuania to whip-up Pope Tour

Officials in Lithuania are considering developing a Pope Tour. The tour would link together sites visited by the Pope (John Paul version, revision II) during his autumn 1993 visit to the Baltic country.

The route of the 'pilgrimage' would include The Gates of Dawn and the Dominican Church of the Holy Spirit in Vilnius and the Hill of Crosses in Šiauliai. And anything else that may have any chance of separating Catholics from their money.

We sincerely hope some enterprising organisation can pick up a used Popemobile and offer interesting tours.

Source: Interfax

IYP students hit Vilnius Markets

We've got a couple of students here at the Vilnius In Your Pocket office right now, Susanna Larminie and Branwen Spector. They arrived right at deadline time, which was most inconsiderate. So, as punishment, sent them out to the markets to get in amoung the hustle and bustle and old ladies trying to flog time-worn plastic bags and so on and so forth. Here's what they came back with:

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A trip to Kalvarių market requires both a tight clutch on one’s handbag and a tolerance for large amounts of ladies’ underwear. This is no tourist market, but a hardcore centre of dodgily-obtained clothing and electronics sold alongside fish, meat, and local fruit and vegetables. (The term local should be interpreted somewhat loosely as things are labelled as Egyptian, Polish, and Belarusian). Gardening enthusiasts can find a large selection of plants and gardening equipment, whilst mobile phone aficionados can bargain for cheap cases and chargers.

Fruit should be approached with caution as, when squeezing peaches, some were unearthed as mouldy. However fruit and vegetable squeezing is highly encouraged at Kalvariu, and many kind traders will encourage you to fondle their offerings. The produce sold is seasonal – at the time of writing, cherries, peaches and nectarines (the latter of which are both imported from Italy) were in stock, as were large watermelons (Lithuanian watermelons are most interesting as they are both watery and gritty) and Ecuadorian bananas.

Should you wish to give your house a cheap spring clean, Kalvariu market is the place to come. Here you can buy not only Russian cleaning products and equipment at knockoff prices, but also cleaning smocks and washing up gloves in an assortment of colours and patterns.

Halės market, however, is the place to go if you would like to indulge your inner carnivore. Row upon row of pig, lamb, chicken and beef can be found, including excitements such as trotter, ear and slabs of fat. Sausages in every size, colour and texture are also sold, and all cheaper than at the supermarkets. This is, of course, only doable if you are manly enough to handle the sight of a pig’s face grinning at you.

As well as meat, you can also buy denim. Shorts, jeans, jackets, waistcoats, coats and bags – all can be found at the back of the market at specialist denim wholesalers.

Among the maze of glass cubicles in which the market is contained can you find a range of ladies’ underwear able to compete with Kalvariu, mixed in a mountain of more cleaning smocks, shiny trousers and bibs.

Both markets sell practical items rather than souvenirs and other tourist memorabilia, however they are worth visiting if you care to see how the ordinary people of Lithuania shop, floral smocks or a grinning pig.

Lithuania wants online voting. For all the wrong reasons

Lithuania is hoping to introduce internet voting in time for the 2008 elections. So, Lithuanians will be able to choose which vile, self-serving, bribe-taking, incompetent nincompoop politician (seems there are no other kinds in Lithuania) will mislead their contry into the next decade with a click or two. No surprises there - but I love the reason cited for introducing e-voting:

"I hope that in this area we will catch up with Estonia, and
by doing this we will surpass most European Union states," Prime Minister
Gediminas Kirkilas told a news conference.
- Scientific American website

Right - so it's nothing to do with efficiency, facilitation democracy or providing convenience for all the net-savvy pensioners living in Lithuania. It's about playing catch up and surpassing other states and, presumably, earning ner-nerny-ner-ner points. That's all very noble and mature.

I simply cannot believe that a grown man, let alone a politician, would say something so daft.

Lithuania: Pop tart beats monkey with typewriter

Ex-Spice pop tart cum footballer’s wife, Victoria Beckham, has ‘written’ a book that has out-sold Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code in Lithuania. The ‘author’ formerly known as Posh Spice has somehow produced a book called That Extra Half An Inch: Hair, Heels And Everything In Between.

In it, according some blurb we found on amazon.co.uk, she “shares her secrets on dressing for special occasions, everyday wear, accessorizing, holiday tips and making the most of your wardrobe.”

It seems this is even more appealing to Lithuanians than The Da Vinci Code, the best-selling dribble of Dan Brown, who has been described as “a sort of rich monkey with a typewriter” (India Knight, The Times, June 24).

Posh was quoted as saying "I mean we only got about two pence (profit) and Lithuania is about as big as that coffee table, isn't it? But at least we beat The Da Vinci Code."

This all says plenty about Posh, but we just can’t work out if it means Lithuanians are very clever, or very stupid.

Source: Daily India

Cue cucumbers: It's Lithuania's wackiest vegetable festival

Those facing a what-to-do dilemma this weekend might like to consider one of Lithuania’s wackiest festivals – the Kėdainiai Cucumber Festival.

Of course there will be pickles aplenty, plentiful lashings of an alcoholic cucumber concoction, cucumber cooking and of course the crowning of the annual King or Queen of the Cucumbers.
Potential monarchs vie for the cucumber crown by both demonstrating an advanced knowledge of cucumber cultivation (they must actually have a 300-square-metre hothouse full of frolicking vegetables, which counts me out) and excelling at amusing but as-yet undefined cucumber antics.

The festivities will be led this year by local celebrity Mama Rock ‘n’ Roll who, perhaps appropriately, has the approximate proportions of a watermelon.

Vilnius: Airport to city travel delays

A bridge in the main road that links Vilnius airport and the city centre will be closed from June 1. It's expected that travelling between the airport and the city will take twice as long as it previously did. It's also going to roughly double the cost of a cab to or from the airport. Keep it in mind if you have a plane to catch.

Lithuanian honey wrestling on Australian TV

I can't believe I've been living in Lithuania for over two years and, until yesterday, knew nothing of Lithuanian honey wrestling. I guess I don't hang around with the... erm... right sort of people. It's also amusing that I discovered honey wrestling while watching The Chaser's War On Everything, a comedy programme on the ABC (Australia's national publicly funded broadcaster). (Don't ask me how I got to watch an Australian television programme while living in Lithuania.)

I don't know if the 'Amber Lady' honey wrestling competition is still going - most of the references I can find to it are at least a couple of years old - but it's still watchable on YouTube. It is actually a pretty obvious idea, as it combines two of the things that Lithuania is famous for producing - honey, and girls.

Most amusing are the names the competitors choose for themselves. There's Brown Salamander, Militant Angel, Poisonous Lilliy, Wayward Anaconda, Red Daybreak and Bronze Thumbelina.

No, hang on, even more amusing is the commentary:

"Militant angel ... is unmercifully submerged into honey"

"Poisonous Lilly has just lost that so hardly earned point for pulling her rival's hair. Sometimes Poisonous Lilly can't control her burning temper and gets penalty points for that. Meantime, Militant angel keeps on resisting honourably"

... and on it goes. It's quite funny if you hear it with the accent.

"Hygiene procedures are executed promptly this time."

Anyway... if you're at all interested in seeing girls wriggling around in a bath of bee spew, take a look. Me... I'm off to a museum or a church or something.

Honey Wrestling picture from binarydistortion on Flickr.

Vilnius bans EU gay rights parade

So much for freedom of speech in Lithuania.

An EU-sponsored gay rights parade planned to take place in Vilnius has been banned by the city council. Rather than supporting the right of a minority to express an opinion, they have simply banned it. They are affraid of angry protests and strong reactions and just can't be bothered organising and supporting appropriate planning and protection for an EU-supported campaign aimed at promoting tolerance.

Vilnius is the only city to have banned the parade so far. That says so much.